jessica's blog

Check out our latest teaser on Terry's website for the movie.

Labels: Welcome to Gentle Waters movie
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After a difficult season at work, I've decided to apply to go back to school for film and video. This has been a huge decision/task aside from working full time and editing our feature film. Welcome to Gentle Waters is 75% through its first cut. This is a HUGE accomplishment for us and Angela, our editor. Off the Cuff took much longer, being our first film. The process of completing a first film and now the ease that comes with our second has given me the go ahead to believe this is what I should be doing with my life. If I am able to go back to school more opportunities could come from that. And if I am not able, I will continue to push for funding for our next one. I'm looking forward to finishing this one up and putting it out there. If you or someone you know is interested in planning a screening this winter/spring please be in touch at avantchicago@gmail.com. Thanks!

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Labels: Ashley Hardy, graphic designer
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I got glasses today. Reading glasses. I'm trying not to let this remind me that I'm aging or that I'm not as sharp as I once was. I had 20/20 vision for a long time. And then one day I couldn't see a piece of paper from across the room. As I type this I am wearing my glasses. It feels weird, a bit strained to get used to but I can see better. I can tell. Ba hum bug. Boo. The eye doctor wins I guess. Here are some things I do to feel young:

1. Jog outside, get fresh air. I try to do this 6 times a week. I'm not some stellar runner but sweating is essential to a clear mind.
2. Exfoliate my face with sugar, sea salt, and honey once a week. It's great.
3. Use organic fresh clean lovely soaps.
4. Eat a variety of foods-sweet, salty, spicy, and savory. Try new things and keep it basic-veggies, whole wheat pastas, organic meats if any, and dried fruits and nuts.
5. I have a weakness for coffee but it boosts my metabolism which keeps me from snacking.
6. Be creative and collaborate with other artists often.
7. I find that a glass of wine a day gives good color. I admit I don't always stick to one glass ;)
8. Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins.
9. I'm going to buy Alicia Silverstone's new book about veganism soon-its my next possible step.
10. Optimism. Lots and lots of optimism in the face of adversity.

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Labels: halloween costumes, Lucy and Ricky
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How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Labels: halloween costumes
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There are days when I imagine that I will have to tell my child or children or my dog or something that I'll have to raise, about falling in love with someone. I'll have to tell a story about Brent and I and how we met and how it felt and what it was like to figure it all out.

It was just before 2000. It was 1999. And it was like we were two drifters standing at the edge of the most boring earth. And neither of us were wearing shoes. I was carrying on as a sparkler shot off from a far distance. He had been standing in one place, with his eyes closed, just thinking. For a really long time. And when he opened them, I appeared. And I don't know how I got there.

For weeks we danced. Not literally, more like linguistically, if that even makes sense. We spoke forwards. And then all the way backwards. To the beginning again. Like we just kept meeting for the first time over and over and over. Things became more natural and the dancing turned into walking, slowly, carefully, and eventually we stopped, looked at each other, and realized we loved each other.

I would also tell this small child/animal that its taken many years to realize that love grows exponentially if you let it. And it never runs out.

Labels: love stories
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It's raining. All day. And when it rains everything seems to exist as a metaphor. Everything I see I can parallel it to something else in life. A girl in front of me steps around a puddle. She has sandals on with socks. "If you know you are going to step in puddles, you should wear proper footwear." I say it to myself as if I have just written it. In some book. Or I'm recording it after my grandma says it like its an old saying she's said for a long time. And its supposed to mean if you are about to run into trouble, be prepared. Which at that point, it doesn't sound all that profound.

Then I'm on the train and I'm reading a really good book right now and my book is sort of wet. And I feel bad its wet b/c it doesn't belong to me. Anyway, I'm at this really great page and its taking everything I have not to get motion sickness on the train from reading, so I'm just trying to focus on the page. But the page sticks to the next one. And I realize this and all I have to do is get them unstuck. The page just won't turn. And I can see the two pages but for some reason I can't get a grasp. The page just won't turn. And the metaphor hit me except it was more about my life's work. The page just won't turn.

And all the while I'm thinking it, I'm also thinking, "well eventually the page is going to unstick." And just then it does and I'm reading again.

Labels: metaphors
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My mom, sister, and I have hilarious cats. Check out our new blog www.thecatladies.blogspot.com

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It's really no big secret that I'm not a schmoozer. I don't even know how to do it. Like if some big wig comedy guy walked in the room everyone around me might be like

"I like your hat"

But I would just smile awkwardly and barely know how to say excuse me to get past him to use the restroom.

It's not that I'm afraid to talk to people. It's just that if I don't know somebody I'd rather really get to know them naturally rather than some forced schmoozing.

Schmoozing can also involve drinking with your improv teacher and then asking them to review your headshots. But isn't that type of schmoozing just sort of annoying? Because if she's an improv teacher she's not a photographer. But because she feels like she has to give a right answer she might just tell you that your picture is too grainy and then you'll feel like a big failure who doesn't know how to even take a good headshot.

It's also no secret that sometimes I go out into the public and see an old colleague they pretend they don't know me. It happens sometimes. And then the next time I see them they've heard I've done a movie and they remember my name and they want to smoke pot together and 'pick my brain sometime'. What does that even mean?

I admire everyone. I think everyone deserves to achieve their best fullest potential if they go after it in the most best honest way.

Actually sometimes I think pick your brain means hang out so I can collaborate with you but you do all the work. Or sometimes it means steal ideas.

I'm not trying to be an asshole in this blog entry.

I'm totally being an asshole in this blog entry.

Well, what do you want from me? Some dishonest asshole? Or an honest one?

There are moments when I know this city to have these truths that I speak of and then I tell myself, forget about it. It's not worth discussing with yourself or anyone else. But I don't think that's true. I think its good to acknowledge certain truths so we can all move on knowing that this is the way the world exists and how can we exist in that world in the best way? It's easy to get sucked in to the dark side. So don't.

Just don't.

Labels: comedy, competition, dark side, improvised comedy, networking, schmoozing
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It was Saturday night. I had shared two bottles of wine with 3 friends. I was on the train headed home. When you expect a quiet train on a Saturday night, that's called unreasonable expectations.

First I noticed the obnoxious trio. The obnoxious trio consisted of three boys. They looked like freshman college students. But as I listened in on conversation they struck me as more immature than that. One was getting the other's goat about whether he watches porn. And he was being loud. And from the expressions on the faces around me, I wasn't the only person rolling my eyes unamused. The one doing all the teasing was wearing a tie with a button down, jeans, and sneakers. He was eccentric, in a frat boy kind of way but also a gay boy type of way. And then it hit me. All three of these boys were dressed like frat boys. But all three of them behaved very eccentrically. In the way they spoke, in their facial expressions. All the while speaking of this girl or that girl, who they took to prom and who they fucked. It wasn't all that hard to figure out from the outside.

Then I looked up and saw the awkward ardvarks. The awkward ardvarks were also high school boys. One of them looked like Seth Rogan, but a huge afro. The other three wore letter jackets or leather jackets. If they weren't on a train in Chicago I might have thought they were farmer kids. One in particular kept staring at the obnoxious trio. He seemed uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. His friend kept bringing him back to their conversation by talking about football. They all sort of stared awkwardly around each other while Seth Rogan tried to tell big funny stories to break the hetero tension.

And then the stone colds walked in. Their upper torsos were stiff and they carried bottles of whiskey and coke mixed together in bottles. One of them chewed tobaccco. And they all looked 25 years old. They smirked at things and had with them a cute girl with a perfect winter hat on all bundled up between the four of them. They made jokes about each other and tried to see who could make who look the stupidest in front of each other. At one point the bigger one spit brown tobacco residue into a bottle. It was tasty looking. Two of them almost fell on me. They took out their camera phones to take pictures of the I-Pod advertisement on the train because they were obsessed with the silouhette's boob. It was an advanced moment in history.

Behind me was Mr. Smarty. He and his younger friend were discussing college. Mr. Smarty was drilling the 15 year old boy about whether he had goals in life. Mr. Smarty and his friend were black and Mr. Smarty told the young boy that nowadays you have to have goals and there is a reason your mother wants you to get an education. It was the conversation that I most eavesdropped on and kept my interest while the stone colds continued to invade my personal space. The young boy said he felt too young to know. He needs time. Mr. Smarty was really forcing it down his throat.

Of all the groups, I had a hard time figuring out who I'd rather be stuck with on a deserted island.

I'm reading this book of short fictional stories No One Belongs Here More than You. by Miranda July. One of her stories refers to the New Man. "New Men are more in touch with their feelings than even women, and New Men cry. New Men want to have children, they long to give birth, so sometimes when they cry, it is because they can't do this; there is just nowhere for a baby to come out."

I don't know if the stone colds or the awkward ardvarks or the obnoxious trio or Mr. Smarty fit into that idea.

If I had to choose one to live with on a deserted island though. I've made a decision. Probably Mr. Smarty. He seems like he wouldn't let anyone die.

Labels: american culture, men
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It's October. All of the sudden my job got busy and the film got into editing and it's October. It's not September? The last time I checked in with myself it was August. So I think the universe definitely skipped September. It's like a universal typo or something that someone should look into. This is what I like about fall. You aren't sweating to death. Leaves. Wine. Carbs. All on the the table to eat or enjoy. Halloween! The best holiday of the year. Except every year I can't decide on my costume and I end up being nothing special. Well not this year! I don't have a costume yet, but I will be much more creative. Oh, boots. You can totally wear boots in the fall. And pumpkin pie is good too. Not to wear. Eat. I also got really domestic in the last week and made homemade apple sauce. Which the whole apple picking thing comes into play even though you can get apples at the store anytime. But hey, it's all about being festive. And this fall is a special kind of fall because my mother turned 50. So to me it feels sort of golden and windy and crisp and magical. I think people become a little grumpier in the fall because its flu season so someone a long time ago invented the word 'festive' to cheer people up so they stop complaining that summer is over. When it starts raining in October and its that cold kind of rain with no sun, I just go eat a big piece of bread and look at pics of pumpkins online. Thanks for reading this random post. Enjoy your fall day.

Labels: cold, fall, leaves, October, pumpkins, wine
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Check out our latest promo for Welcome to Gentle Waters-Terry, the retreat leader of Gentle Waters has a website and an infomercial. Link to it through the movie website!

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In a few days there will be a small surprise in relation to the movie. Stay tuned or check the website often!

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There are no promises. There are no external certainties. There are no universal rules of fairness. There are things that happen that we don't expect. I teter on believing in a higher power because of this. It's the ultimate argument that we all have with each other. With ourselves. I don't want you to tell me there is a God. Not because I don't believe you. I just don't want you to say that. It's not really about that. It doesn't matter sometimes. If something happens. It's done. It's done and its happened and I can either choose to believe that the universe wants to teach me something about myself or I can choose to believe that there are reasons I'll never know or I can pitch a fit. Or I can believe it all while pitching a fit. I fell up the stairs today. Fuck it. You know what I mean? Existing without dwelling is the hardest thing to do but sometimes you have to do it. To me, its the only way to evolve or its the only way to be still. Either way the world will keep moving past you. So you'll either ride the wind or you'll just listen to it. Articulating all this is a bit twisted. Or maybe you are at the end of this paragraph and it makes perfect sense. And I'll tell you this. I caught myself from my fall well before my mind knew I had fallen. I realized I had fallen afterwards once my hands were out in front of me and it was all over. That's clarity. Maybe. That's perfect trust.

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I love kids. And I love my friends. And I love my friends with kids.

Obviously, as you get older, you will drift apart a bit when kids are in the picture.
It's a lot of work.

I have a hard time though with those who go missing for months and don't breathe a word when you try to keep up with them. And then all of sudden with no warning they contact you as if no time has passed.

I feel that those of us, with no kids, are equally as busy. I work a full time job in addition to a second full time job when I'm working on a film project, an acting gig, or whatever it may be. But for some reason, if kidless adult falls off the face of the earth there's no autopilot excuse for them. They are flakey, depressed, or altogether an asshole.

Is it the case that adults WITH kids get off easy when it comes to social graces?

I realize that by writing this, I'm possibly creating enemies. And I'd just like to say that in no way is this post attacking anyone. I simply write to put a thought out there about how our society shows favoritism to one group over another.

Happens all the time in the grocery store too. If I'm on the phone with someone from the movie and its really important and I HAVE to take the call but I'm blocking the butter from someone's reach, I get all kinds of angry scowls. If a mom with her cutest ever little baby is blocking the same area, people patiently wait and coo at the baby while doing so.

Eventually I want kids, and quite frankly, I might take advantage of these perks too.

But being on this end, well, it's frustrating when your once childless friends pull the "so sorry its been crazy with the kids" excuse every time they bail on an event, returning a phone call, or email. I feel guilty if I get mad at them so I always say "of course, you are so busy!" But when I miss a call, text....it's like I'm being distant or something.

I have a cat. Does that count?

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I play a hooker. And there is language, so beware. Not one of the best jobs I've had but check out my face at 1:49.

Labels: comedy, Jessica Hardy, The Landlord
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